Thursday, September 13, 2012

Dylan's birthday

Someone asked me if I could sum up childbirth in one word, what would it be. My answer? Miserable. However, that was a little over an hour after I gave birth.  If you were to ask me now, I honestly don't think I would have an answer for you. It was painful, exciting, exhausting...so many words.  But let's start at the beginning...

We were told to call Saturday morning at 6:30 to make sure there was still room for us.  I called (with my heart beating out of my chest) and sure enough, they were ready for us.  Dan took Shadow for a quick walk, took a shower, and off we went.  The car was already packed (the joys of an induction).  We got there and they checked us in.  I got hooked up to all the machines and they said they were going to start the pitosin shortly.  They gave me all of my bracelets (including a bright yellow one that said "FALL RISK" which Dan and I thought was pretty funny.  I thought it was because I was a fat ass but the nurse said it was because I had IV's.)  The asked if I wanted an epidural and I said yes, but not yet.  I wanted to feel at least some of the contractions, just to know what they felt like. I was Strep B positive so I had to have at least 2 doses of an antibiotic before I delivered so we knew that nothing could happen until afternoon (which I know nothing would happen before then anyway!)

My mom and my sister showed up around 11 I think and by then I had been feeling a few contractions.  I felt like they came out of nowhere. I felt fine, and then all of a sudden, it hurt. BAD.  I really can't explain the pain.  Dan was asking how it felt but I didn't have an answer.  They didn't feel like really bad menstrual cramps like people kept telling me.  The nurse came in and said that if I wanted the epidural I pretty much had to do it right then (about 12:15) because the anesthesiologist had to go into a C-secion and had to be there by 12:40.  So it was either then, or wait until he got out of surgery.  So they kicked everyone out - including Dan.  That was scary.  I really didn't want him leaving my side AT ALL that day.  But I guess they had to ask him to leave because they needed to focus on me and the baby and couldn't have any other distractions.  The anesthesiologist came in and explained what he was going to do.  It didn't really hurt (except for when a contraction came during it) it just felt weird and uncomfortable.  It almost felt like he was pumping air into my back.

Dan and my mom and sister finally came back (I hated being alone).  And I was crying.  Because they had just given me my second dose of antibiotics and that HURTS going into your arm.  I was in tears.  And I kinda thought it was funny that the first time I cried in childbirth was from an antibiotic going into my arm.  From that point until about 6:00, I felt nothing.  They would all be looking at the monitor and say "here comes a big one!" and I would feel nothing and it was awesome.  I played games on my phone, checked facebook, joked around with Dan, Kelly, and my mom.  Until 6:00 rolled around and I started feeling things.  This was also when my heartburn kicked in and it was BAD.  I don't think I was feeling EVERYTHING but I seriously cannot imagine going through that without drugs.  I kept calling the nurse in (because she had to be there for me to push the button to up the epidural) and told her that she was going to get sick of seeing me because I wanted  to get as much in my system as possible before I started pushing.  She said "I don't blame you."  (She also told me that it was going to feel like I was pushing the baby out of my butt.  No one told me this, and man was she right.)

They told us that I would probably be ready to push around 8:30.  So we sort of sat back and breathed (or tensed up and didn't breathe - bad idea) through the contractions.  I ended up throwing up at some point during this as well which was normal I guess.  They came in and checked me and said I would probably start pushing at 7:30.  Sure enough, right at 7:30, it was time to push.  My sister, brother, and mom said bye (my mom making me cry because she started crying and said "you're going to be a mommy!" That was such a special moment for me.  I am tearing up just typing about it.)

The nurse told me we were ready to push during contractions.  Every time one came, I would push for 6-8 seconds and it hurt.  I asked if I could push on my side for a bit which felt much better, but my pushes were better when I was on my back so they wanted me to still do pushes from my back.  The doctor came in a few times to check up on us.  The nurse kept talking about his hair and what she saw.  She asked Dan if he wanted to look and he promptly responded No - haha.  All of a sudden, she told me to roll over to my side.  Then roll over to the other side. And her face got really red and she called in for 2 other nurses to help her.  His heart rate dropped to about 75 and they ripped off my heart monitor.  She said something about a de-cell and another nurse brought her a long stick and she shoved it into me.  After about 10 minutes of no one telling us what was going on, they said this happens sometimes and they were giving me another heart rate monitor that would attach to his head.  It was incredibly terrifying but they were being safe.

When the doctor came in to finish it off (about 9:00) the pain was AWFUL.  I was screaming saying I couldn't do it anymore and "get this baby the hell out of me" and just grabbing Dan's shirt and twisting.  The nurse told me not to waste my energy on his shirt.  About halfway through each push the dr and nurse would say "that's it! That's the push!" I knew I was giving a little more halfway though but I literally felt so weak. I have never been so exhausted in my life.  The nurse and the doctor kept telling me to relax but that wasn't helping.  Dan was also telling me to be quiet and I was about to shove my foot in his ass.  I kept my eyes closed during about 75% of the last hour because for whatever reason, it felt a little better.  I would "rest" when I wasn't having a contraction.  And then just never opened my eyes.  Toward the end, I heard them say that I had a fever but I didn't think anything of it.  So then Dan said that the doctor called up the neonatal doctor (I really didn't have the energy to pay attention at this point).  They had called up my last dose of antibiotics and it never came.  So they asked for a different kind and that never came.  They even put a rush order on it and it never showed up. So I don't know if things would've been different had that worked out. 

Finally, I was told it was my last push and there was nothing better than feeling the doctor pull him out of me.  I will never forget the sound Dan made and the sight of them showing me my son.  She wiped him off and put the clamp on his cord and let Dan cut it.  I missed it and I don't know if I missed it because I couldn't see or if it was because my eyes were still closed.  She gave him to me about 4 nurses came in.  Dan took a few pictures of me meeting him.  Then the neonatal doctor came in started talking to my doctor about what happened.  He told us that they were going to take him to the NICU because of my fever and they wanted to run a few tests just to make sure he was okay.  They took him away from me and weighed him (8.6 pounds...holy crap).  Dan and I were so upset that they were taking him away but we knew it was going to be okay.  We gathered ourselves and they took our baby boy.  He went out and told my family what was going on.  They came in and I just felt so empty.  I apologized to them for not having a baby to see.  They told me that was not necessary and they felt so bad for us.  My step dad brought me a hot dog and fries from Portillo's (which I thought about like 10 times during pushing and couldn't wait to eat it) but I was just so tired - mentally and physically.  I knew I should've been hungry but I just had no appetite. I was so sad. And empty.  I know I said that already, but that really is the perfect word.

Kevin, Jim and Davion decided to go home at that point.  (I pushed for 2 hours, so it was about 10:00 when they came in after they stitched me up and explained what was going on).  Davion wasn't going to be able to see him in the NICU anyway because he wasn't 12. Kelly and my mom decided to stay to see him.  They told us he would be ready and hooked up in about 2 hours.  So they asked my sister and mom to leave so they could clean me up.  One thing no one told me about childbirth - there is a lot of blood. It took a while to get me situated so my mom and sister came back in and we finally were able to go see Dylan.

It was midnight at this point.  I was wheeled in a wheelchair because I couldn't really feel my legs.  When we got into the NICU, I started crying because he was so high up and I was in a wheel chair and couldn't even see him.  I asked everyone to take pictures so I could see but it just wasn't the same.  So they let me hold him.  What an amazing and surreal moment. Not only were things so surreal because I was someone's mom, childbirth was finally over, and my son was in the NICU, but I was actually holding my CHILD. MY child. Dan got to hold him next because he still hadn't held him yet. That was amazing to see. We hung out for about 20 minutes and then I decided I needed to go to bed.  Once back to the room, the nurse was showing me how to pump (I made sure Dan was paying attention because I was so out of it), then she had to change all my stuff, and finally we were able to go to sleep at 2:30am.  We were both so emotional and all I wanted to do at that point was hold my son, or lay in bed with my husband, and I couldn't do either.  This was not how I wanted things to go.

I knew deep down that everything would be alright. But I was still kind of scared. But here are a few pictures from that night.  More on the story later....







2 comments:

  1. Oh Mel, this was so hard to read because it brought me back to all those same emotions I had the day Ro was born. Being scared, exhausted, frustrated, anxious, relieved and in awe. It is just so overwhelming and my baby wasn't even in the NICU! Contractions from Pitocin are a bear from what I have heard, totally worse than your body doing it on its own. I prayed a lot for you dealing with that specifically, I am sorry you still felt so much pain at the end. You were so brave and strong, way to stick with it when you were exhausted and keep him progressing until he was born...you rock! I also loved that you got Portillos right after, so jealous! I feel like not many mamas have their ideal birth story but with time you learn to own it and love it because it ultimatly brought you Dylan. Congratulations again, I am so happy for you and Dan!

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  2. Thank you Rachael! I am glad it's over and for about the first 12 hours after I told Dan we would be a one child family :) I have since changed my mind. I love my little guy.

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