Thursday, September 13, 2012

Dylan's birthday

Someone asked me if I could sum up childbirth in one word, what would it be. My answer? Miserable. However, that was a little over an hour after I gave birth.  If you were to ask me now, I honestly don't think I would have an answer for you. It was painful, exciting, exhausting...so many words.  But let's start at the beginning...

We were told to call Saturday morning at 6:30 to make sure there was still room for us.  I called (with my heart beating out of my chest) and sure enough, they were ready for us.  Dan took Shadow for a quick walk, took a shower, and off we went.  The car was already packed (the joys of an induction).  We got there and they checked us in.  I got hooked up to all the machines and they said they were going to start the pitosin shortly.  They gave me all of my bracelets (including a bright yellow one that said "FALL RISK" which Dan and I thought was pretty funny.  I thought it was because I was a fat ass but the nurse said it was because I had IV's.)  The asked if I wanted an epidural and I said yes, but not yet.  I wanted to feel at least some of the contractions, just to know what they felt like. I was Strep B positive so I had to have at least 2 doses of an antibiotic before I delivered so we knew that nothing could happen until afternoon (which I know nothing would happen before then anyway!)

My mom and my sister showed up around 11 I think and by then I had been feeling a few contractions.  I felt like they came out of nowhere. I felt fine, and then all of a sudden, it hurt. BAD.  I really can't explain the pain.  Dan was asking how it felt but I didn't have an answer.  They didn't feel like really bad menstrual cramps like people kept telling me.  The nurse came in and said that if I wanted the epidural I pretty much had to do it right then (about 12:15) because the anesthesiologist had to go into a C-secion and had to be there by 12:40.  So it was either then, or wait until he got out of surgery.  So they kicked everyone out - including Dan.  That was scary.  I really didn't want him leaving my side AT ALL that day.  But I guess they had to ask him to leave because they needed to focus on me and the baby and couldn't have any other distractions.  The anesthesiologist came in and explained what he was going to do.  It didn't really hurt (except for when a contraction came during it) it just felt weird and uncomfortable.  It almost felt like he was pumping air into my back.

Dan and my mom and sister finally came back (I hated being alone).  And I was crying.  Because they had just given me my second dose of antibiotics and that HURTS going into your arm.  I was in tears.  And I kinda thought it was funny that the first time I cried in childbirth was from an antibiotic going into my arm.  From that point until about 6:00, I felt nothing.  They would all be looking at the monitor and say "here comes a big one!" and I would feel nothing and it was awesome.  I played games on my phone, checked facebook, joked around with Dan, Kelly, and my mom.  Until 6:00 rolled around and I started feeling things.  This was also when my heartburn kicked in and it was BAD.  I don't think I was feeling EVERYTHING but I seriously cannot imagine going through that without drugs.  I kept calling the nurse in (because she had to be there for me to push the button to up the epidural) and told her that she was going to get sick of seeing me because I wanted  to get as much in my system as possible before I started pushing.  She said "I don't blame you."  (She also told me that it was going to feel like I was pushing the baby out of my butt.  No one told me this, and man was she right.)

They told us that I would probably be ready to push around 8:30.  So we sort of sat back and breathed (or tensed up and didn't breathe - bad idea) through the contractions.  I ended up throwing up at some point during this as well which was normal I guess.  They came in and checked me and said I would probably start pushing at 7:30.  Sure enough, right at 7:30, it was time to push.  My sister, brother, and mom said bye (my mom making me cry because she started crying and said "you're going to be a mommy!" That was such a special moment for me.  I am tearing up just typing about it.)

The nurse told me we were ready to push during contractions.  Every time one came, I would push for 6-8 seconds and it hurt.  I asked if I could push on my side for a bit which felt much better, but my pushes were better when I was on my back so they wanted me to still do pushes from my back.  The doctor came in a few times to check up on us.  The nurse kept talking about his hair and what she saw.  She asked Dan if he wanted to look and he promptly responded No - haha.  All of a sudden, she told me to roll over to my side.  Then roll over to the other side. And her face got really red and she called in for 2 other nurses to help her.  His heart rate dropped to about 75 and they ripped off my heart monitor.  She said something about a de-cell and another nurse brought her a long stick and she shoved it into me.  After about 10 minutes of no one telling us what was going on, they said this happens sometimes and they were giving me another heart rate monitor that would attach to his head.  It was incredibly terrifying but they were being safe.

When the doctor came in to finish it off (about 9:00) the pain was AWFUL.  I was screaming saying I couldn't do it anymore and "get this baby the hell out of me" and just grabbing Dan's shirt and twisting.  The nurse told me not to waste my energy on his shirt.  About halfway through each push the dr and nurse would say "that's it! That's the push!" I knew I was giving a little more halfway though but I literally felt so weak. I have never been so exhausted in my life.  The nurse and the doctor kept telling me to relax but that wasn't helping.  Dan was also telling me to be quiet and I was about to shove my foot in his ass.  I kept my eyes closed during about 75% of the last hour because for whatever reason, it felt a little better.  I would "rest" when I wasn't having a contraction.  And then just never opened my eyes.  Toward the end, I heard them say that I had a fever but I didn't think anything of it.  So then Dan said that the doctor called up the neonatal doctor (I really didn't have the energy to pay attention at this point).  They had called up my last dose of antibiotics and it never came.  So they asked for a different kind and that never came.  They even put a rush order on it and it never showed up. So I don't know if things would've been different had that worked out. 

Finally, I was told it was my last push and there was nothing better than feeling the doctor pull him out of me.  I will never forget the sound Dan made and the sight of them showing me my son.  She wiped him off and put the clamp on his cord and let Dan cut it.  I missed it and I don't know if I missed it because I couldn't see or if it was because my eyes were still closed.  She gave him to me about 4 nurses came in.  Dan took a few pictures of me meeting him.  Then the neonatal doctor came in started talking to my doctor about what happened.  He told us that they were going to take him to the NICU because of my fever and they wanted to run a few tests just to make sure he was okay.  They took him away from me and weighed him (8.6 pounds...holy crap).  Dan and I were so upset that they were taking him away but we knew it was going to be okay.  We gathered ourselves and they took our baby boy.  He went out and told my family what was going on.  They came in and I just felt so empty.  I apologized to them for not having a baby to see.  They told me that was not necessary and they felt so bad for us.  My step dad brought me a hot dog and fries from Portillo's (which I thought about like 10 times during pushing and couldn't wait to eat it) but I was just so tired - mentally and physically.  I knew I should've been hungry but I just had no appetite. I was so sad. And empty.  I know I said that already, but that really is the perfect word.

Kevin, Jim and Davion decided to go home at that point.  (I pushed for 2 hours, so it was about 10:00 when they came in after they stitched me up and explained what was going on).  Davion wasn't going to be able to see him in the NICU anyway because he wasn't 12. Kelly and my mom decided to stay to see him.  They told us he would be ready and hooked up in about 2 hours.  So they asked my sister and mom to leave so they could clean me up.  One thing no one told me about childbirth - there is a lot of blood. It took a while to get me situated so my mom and sister came back in and we finally were able to go see Dylan.

It was midnight at this point.  I was wheeled in a wheelchair because I couldn't really feel my legs.  When we got into the NICU, I started crying because he was so high up and I was in a wheel chair and couldn't even see him.  I asked everyone to take pictures so I could see but it just wasn't the same.  So they let me hold him.  What an amazing and surreal moment. Not only were things so surreal because I was someone's mom, childbirth was finally over, and my son was in the NICU, but I was actually holding my CHILD. MY child. Dan got to hold him next because he still hadn't held him yet. That was amazing to see. We hung out for about 20 minutes and then I decided I needed to go to bed.  Once back to the room, the nurse was showing me how to pump (I made sure Dan was paying attention because I was so out of it), then she had to change all my stuff, and finally we were able to go to sleep at 2:30am.  We were both so emotional and all I wanted to do at that point was hold my son, or lay in bed with my husband, and I couldn't do either.  This was not how I wanted things to go.

I knew deep down that everything would be alright. But I was still kind of scared. But here are a few pictures from that night.  More on the story later....







Friday, September 7, 2012

Induction

Well, here we are - hopefully less than 24 hours away from your arrival, little one.

At my 40 week appointment (which when I made it, I said "No way I'll be here for that.") the doctor (Gallo, our favorite) told me that I was still 3 cm and about 80% effaced.  He then sat down at his chair and said "so when do you want to have this baby?"  I didn't want to seem like the girl that was so uncomfortable and so selfish that I wanted to schedule when my baby would come.  I asked him his opinion and we went back and forth for about 15 minutes.  Dan said he didn't care either way.  Dr. Gallo said if I was still pregnant in a week, then we definitely needed to schedule an induction.  But right now, it was up to me, because my body had made some progress on its own.  If I was 0 cm, then he would say see you next week.

Dan and I took all of this information and went home with it.  I struggled a lot with the decision.  I finally decided I wanted to schedule it, but it was just a matter of Friday or Monday. I eventually called to schedule it for Friday (because that way Dan would take Friday through Thursday off, go to work for one day, and then be home for another weekend) but they were booked.  So she scheduled me for Saturday, which surprised me, because Dr. Gallo said that they generally don't schedule for weekends.

So here we are, the night before my induction, watching football.  I seriously never thought I would be here.  I remember finding out I was pregnant and immediately rushing through things that I wanted to get done around the house before he came.  Ultimately, we got most of it done, but it is just so crazy to think that it's happening.  I originally  didn't want to be induced, but this works for our family.  He's been in there for 41 weeks, I think he's ready.  The doctor basically told us it was safe and that the rumor of inductions leading to more c-sections is just that - a rumor.  I am kind of bummed that I won't have a cool water breaking or contraction story, but I'm also glad that I'll be in a hospital with nurses/husband/family to help me through it all.

I am not sharing the news of the induction on facebook or anything.  And since only close friends and family read this blog, I feel safe writing about it.  We really decided that no announcement will be made on facebook by us (or anyone for that matter) until we have notified everyone that WE want.  In fact, I'm going to shut down my wall just to be sure no one spoils the news :)

 I can't wait to see what he looks like.  I can't wait to hold him. I can't wait to see everyone's face when they meet him and love up on him.  The amount of love that this child already has is insane.  I can only imagine what it will be like when he's here.

40 years ago doctors wouldn't even think about induction.  It took me a while to stop feeling selfish about inducing. Like I said, I struggled.  But ultimately, it was mine and Dan's decision, and this is what we chose.  And I could not be more excited for tomorrow :)

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Due Date

Here we are - on the due date. I seriously never thought I would reach this point.  With all of our friends and/or family around us lately having their children early, and my awful luck, I thought for sure I was going to go early too.  It's just so crazy to think that I'm actually still pregnant.

That's really all I have to say - haha.  Just that it's unbelievable.  I really don't believe in all of those old wives tales about walking and eating spicy foods to induce labor.  So we are just relaxing today.  We went to the grocery store this morning to get a bunch of stuff for easy dinners.  I felt like we were stocking up for the apocalypse or something. Then we went to Target and used a gift card that we had for some clothes for baby.

We just got back from our 3rd walk of the day.  I am still not feeling anything.  I don't even think I have felt a contraction.  But I've been told by a few people that they had their water break before they even felt contractions. So here I sit, on the couch, on a blanket, just in case. :)

My next appointment is on Tuesday so if I make it to that appointment they will schedule something for later on in the week - we are hoping for Tuesday night :) So now I'm kind of at the point where I hope nothing happens this weekend and we just get to schedule something. But we'll see what happens.