Tuesday, December 27, 2011

It's time

Holy. Shit. I'm going to be a Mom. And Dan is going to be a Dad. I seriously never thought I would say that.

We haven't been using protection since September.  We didn't watch a calendar or anything so we were just "having fun with it" (as my doctor would say.)  When nothing happened, December rolled around and we decided to watch a calendar.  When we were home this weekend for Christmas, I kind of had a feeling something was happening.  I was peeing constantly, always hungry, and my boobs hurt like nobody's business.  It hurt to walk up and down the stairs.  We were driving home from my in-laws today and I had planned on taking a pregnancy test after work - so that I had one less day to have to keep it to myself.  The moment we walked in the door and unpacked the car, we looked at everything and laughed.  The thought of putting everything away was exhausting and I had to be at work in an hour.  I told Dan that I couldn't want until after work.  So upstairs I went to take the test. As I was peeing on it (sorry, TMI) I was saying in my head "HolyShitOhMyGodIsThisReallyHappening?!" I was shaking like a leaf because I just knew.  Before I even put the stick on the counter, there were 2 pink lines.  Dan was asking me a question from outside the door and I flung the door open and said "I'm pregnant." He said "Seriously?" And came over and gave me a hug.

I immediately FREAKED OUT.  I was shaking like crazy and couldn't say the words out loud again.  Shadow (our dog) was just staring at us and I said "Shadow, are you excited? We're gonna have a baby!"  And I seriously felt like for that moment, the world had stopped spinning, because my head was spinning enough for it. So many thoughts were racing though my head--How am I going to keep this a secret? When can I call the doctor? When is my due date? How long will I take off work?  How am I going to talk to my mom every day and keep this from her?  Am I going to tell my boss?  What if I start to get sick?  How many weddings am I going to miss out on this year?  Can I have a hotdog for lunch? 

I tried to calm myself down but the words "I'm pregnant" just kept running though my head. HOLY SHIT. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant...it's even weird to type still. 

Then shit started to get real.  I need to take vitamins, I need to make sure I eat 3 times a day (I often skip lunch) I should probably start walking/running more.  I need to stop tinkering around on the computer until all hours of the night. I need to get sleep.  We need to paint the bathrooms like we had been planning.  Then all the negatives starting flushing through my brain.....Maternity clothes? Yuck. I am going to be super fat and uncomfortable for all 3 months of the summer - just what I didn't want.  We have 5 weddings this year. Boring. I'll be pregnant for our anniversary and my birthday. Also boring. But the more I thought about it, the more those things didn't matter much to me anymore. I'm going to be a mom. And I can't wait :)

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